Vroom! The chainsaws are here! This isn't a horror film...though what French arborists do to Paris trees is horrific enough.
I’m in my apartment working on my laptop when suddenly I see a man’s face just outside my window. This is curious since I’m on the 4th floor. I go over and look out to observe two men on tall ladders in the court yard. They’re dressed in blue overalls, and sport the 5 o’clock shadows and rugged appearance I might stereotypically expect from workmen.
I see them closely inspecting the branches of the European Ash tree in our court yard. (Fr: Frêne. Sci: Fraxinus excelsior) My stomach lurches in pity for the poor tree at my sudden recognition of what is about to occur. I realize the spring saws have arrived.
The men hoist up their huge chainsaw, and then start it up. It sends out a deafening vroom-vroom that reverberates across the court-yard and makes it impossible for me to keep working...so instead I decide to witness the gruesome atrocity that is about to occur.
They rev-rev the chainsaw for about a minute, letting it warm up. Rev-rev. Rev-rev. I know it's just to put a little fear into the heart of the tree who stands helplessly by. Then they begin. They start to chop off branches left and right. There is no mercy. They don’t just trim a little here and there...not the typical ‘pruning’ Americans are used to seeing...no no no. They just attack it and take every branch off. The poor hapless victim just stands there taking it without defense.
It’s hard to tell over all the noise of the chainsaws, but I think I can almost hear the Ash screaming, “NOOOOOO...not my beautiful branches! I put SOOOO much energy into growing them!” Or maybe what I heard is really a manacle laugh of evil triumph from the workmen, “MWAAAHAHAHAHA...” But, it's not clear what’s going on when the chainsaws all but completely drown out any other sound.
Finally the tragic massacre is finished. The workmen turn off their death machines. A strange silence falls over the court yard, and they climb down and remove the fallen remains of the tree, each piece oozing out its life sap. They quickly remove all evidence of the heinous crime that has been committed today, and they pack up their killing saws and other aid and abetting equipment, and then they go nearly as quickly as they arrived. All is quiet.
Now when I look out my window there is just a wooden pole with a couple short limbs sticking out of it in the middle of the court yard. This is no exaggeration. They’ve cut off every single branch until it’s nearly just a pole with some foot-long nubs. A very lonely form with an uninteresting shadow cast by the setting sun. This travesty doesn’t only occur chez moi. It happens all over Paris each spring; the tree butchers come to call everywhere.
I imagine that around New Year’s Eve the trees realize spring is coming and they start shaking and trembling in fear. I’m waiting for the movie, “Night of the Tree Butchers”, or “The Day the Spring Saws of Paris came to Knock.”
I’m waiting for the movie, “Night of the Tree Butchers”, or “The Day the Spring Saws of Paris came to Knock.”
I’ve asked several French about this phenomenon. They reply, “Oh, they’re just pruning the trees.”
Really? I’ve never seen ‘just’ pruning leave a solitary wooden pole in the ground afterward. When I reply to this fact they say, “But it’s good for the trees, and helps them grow.” I almost spit milk out my nose laughing at this one.
I did manage to obtain a BS (and it’s all BS, it’s true...) in Botany, and never did I learn that chopping a tree down to a pole each year was healthy for it. It’s amazing what people go through life repeating...since they were always told that then they feel it must be true, mustn’t it?
I point out that half the Paris trees are infested by various types of tree-rot, from fungal disease to viral. They asked me, “What! Where?” I guess people don’t notice the rotting holes in most of the trees; though birds do find these nesting niches wonderful.
I’ve decided that when I have kids I’ll have to remember to chop all their limbs off, as you know, I’ve heard it helps things grow better. But on a lighter note, I’m going to start a new organization. It’s called, NO-SAWS. That stands for, National Organization of Saving All Wooded Species.
Vroom! The chainsaws are here! This isn't a horror film...though what French arborists do to Paris trees is horrific enough. 
Finally the tragic massacre is finished. The workmen turn off their death machines. A strange silence falls over the court yard, and they climb down and remove the fallen remains of the tree, each piece oozing out its life sap. They quickly remove all evidence of the heinous crime that has been committed today, and they pack up their killing saws and other aid and abetting equipment, and then they go nearly as quickly as they arrived. All is quiet.
I’m waiting for the movie, “Night of the Tree Butchers”, or “The Day the Spring Saws of Paris came to Knock.” 
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